But since I am in a state where i am pondering about everything that’s been happening to me the past couple months or so, so why not.
As tedious this entire thing is gonna be, this whole entire thing will be 100% truth, no lies. So let’s get started.
The past couple of months, I’ve been basically if you use 2 words to describe it, its “slacking off”. School grades fluctuate between above a 3.5 GPA and below a 3.5 GPA. Why? 2 things: Minecraft and League of Legends. I knwo that those 2 things will ruin my life if i continue to play them uncontrollably, but its an addiction that I cant stop from doing. And from that addiction, my social life pretty much went downhill the past couple of months (like i had one before anyway..-.-).
One of my goals this year was to find a best best best best friend. And in January, I thought i found one, but now, I think i was dreaming the whole time (and i am sure one of the reasons is cuz how anti-social I am).
People said that to fix this whole “anti-social” issue, you just have to step out of your comfort zone and try to talk to people. My problem is, whenever i step out of my comfort zone, people either 1. don’t care what i say (which happens about 80% of the time) or 2. I embarass myself cuz I would do something stupid.
One of the things I learned about myself (at least i never really realized that) is how bad I explain things. Every time when I want to express something, i can just never able to find the word to express it. As a result, many of times when i say “blah” people usually ignore it or tell me how stupid I am because I could not express the things I want to say in words… in English. As a result of that, whenever I am around people, I can never talk to them because I dont know what to say. Even when i have an opinion on something, i just cannot tell my opinion about that particular thing persuasively, and the result is that people shutting me down by arguing with me.
I hate arguments. mostly because I don’t really know what to say when they tell me their opinions and stuff. As a result, I usually just tell them that I aint gonna argue, (letting them think that they won or osmething)
on a whole different topic, recently, I’ve wondered whether I made the right decision to room with Jake for a year starting this fall at UW. i mean, personally I like him, but deep down in my little heart, I don’t relaly like his girlfriend. I mean, I like courtney as a friend and stuff, but I am pretty sure she thinks I am stupid or something. Becasuse there are many times where she would say something about me implying how stupid I am. And hey, when I tel ppl they are stupid, they get pissed off and I ended up feel bad. But when people say something thats offensive to me, they ended up not being apologetic, and just cruise along with their life and offend me couple of times in the future. Maybe its cuz they know how anti-social I am? and that I won’t be able to shut them down without me going to jail for the rest of my life?
Which brings up the next point. if Christians are taught to love their enemies, and treat others really nice despite how different they are, then how come everyone that were taught those things NEVER follow them?.
Because, when i try to be nice to thsoe “Christians”, they ended up shutting me down offending me here and there, and thus.. making me feeling like crap and stufff… (dont wanna go into details)..
but yea.. ionno thats just what i’ve been thinking the past couple of days.. mainly the whole social problems that i have thats just bothering me SO MUCH